Kimberly
Kory
In-Home
Counseling
Emotional
Health
Patterns
and Abuse
Recovery
Its Affect on
Children...
Cancer
Copyright 2006-2008
All Rights Reserved.
More about In-Home Counseling
Extended Hours Format
Remember the old days when the doctor used to make home visits? Well, now, here is a psychotherapist who caters to you, but even better! I stay as long as you need to get through very difficult issues and we tailor make the therapy to fit your needs. People feel more comfortable in their own home: and, hence, speak more honestly. When individuals are most honest, issues are presented more clearly, and the therapy moves quickly.
For instance, we are sitting in the same living room where you may have had a fight, argument or felt a deep depression, in the same place where you may have felt blocked, depressed and anxious or maybe you "kept it all inside". We get into your issues immediately. The therapy moves faster. We don’t waste the constant warm up time of a weekly 50-minute hour; and I don’t cut you off with, "your time is up"’!
As the hours progress, one issue turns into the next and we really "get into it" so to speak. Efficiency, progress and emotional change are quickly achieved within the extended hour format. From hour to hour the therapy flows. One issue leads to the next.
When you bring up something in therapy either your spouse or I will react to you in a manner entirely differently than you had expected. You may have been perceived, misunderstood or basically one or both of you might not be communicating in a way that your partner can hear you. These are the moments in the extended hours format, and only in this format, that we delve into the deeper truths—the emotional blocks which are often the real source of pain and conflict in any relationship.
You may have a sudden feeling of flight, fear, rage or even that you are completely detached (which is usually hiding a difficult feeling). This is the extremely important moment when you’ve reached a deep insight or strong emotional place. Here you are opening up your heart and feelings and the last thing you need at this vulnerable moment is to be cut off with "hold that feeling until next time".
I have found that it has done more harm on couples to go into a one hour session, just getting into it, and then be told to leave until next week. He brought up something. She brought up something. Then they argue about it, because, the issues brought up were never processed.
When one issue leads to the next that means I make sure one issue is heard, understood, processed and communicated. That is not likely to happen in a 50-minute session, with two people, two histories, past issues brought into this relationship and the present issues which are causing so much turmoil today in your daily lives.
I work to get all the way through one or two of her top issues today, and one or two of his top issues - and the general principle of "not being heard". I teach you how to hear each other, so that you "really" hear (this usually involves more of your heart, then your intellect). You both need to be heard yet neither may know how to communicate what you feel so that your partner can really hear you. If I said "your time is up", you would both be left with the same feelings unprocessed and un-communicated.
In terms of "communication blocks;" one might speak emotionally, the other, rationally; but to get through an issue together you must speak the same language. You also need to be honest. Any hidden agendas won’t work anymore if I’m saving your marriage—or even if I’m helping the two of you to learn how to be mentally and emotionally healthy models for your children; whether you are married or sharing custody.
The way your partner responds to you during the marriage counseling session could change your issue briskly into a whole different issue. It is precisely at these moments of opposition in communication and misunderstandings (or even hidden agendas), that we need to address these differences immediately as they happen. Now we have her view, her feelings vs. his picture and emotions, and both must be addressed respectfully and fairly.
This is precisely where real change can happen; as long as we stay with it. We stay with your feelings, but unlike whatever you have been doing, I teach you how to process the issues together and how to hear each other and show your loved one how much you really do care about each other. This is monumental because 90% of the couples I see express feelings of sadness and isolation while they are together. The point of the therapy is to make you best friends again and to be each others greatest support.
At the end of even the first extended-hour session your faces change, you look relaxed, your postures are no longer stiff but calm, you're feeling hopeful, faithful, and more confident that this will work.
Soon, it all makes sense how all issues are connected. The sooner we figure this out, the sooner you can make changes and establish interactions which initiate self-love, respect and harmonious relationships with others.
Beyond all theoretical knowledge, I have found that the most important values that create true emotional health are living a life with integrity, empathy, honesty and genuineness. I will teach you how to communicate, live and love with these values.
Kindly,
Kimberly Kory M.A., L.P.C.C.
Licensed Professional Board-Certified Counselor and Psychotherapist
505-204-4550